I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
