Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
