I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
