Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
