At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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