Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to stop coming to work sober
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
