The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
