we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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