hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
