Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Crop dusting thru forever 21
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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