NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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