My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
