I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
