Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
