Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
