My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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