there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is the high leading the old right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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