If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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