i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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