nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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