I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
