Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
