...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
