So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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