He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
