3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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