How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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