How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
