He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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