I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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