after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
