why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
