i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
