On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
