The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
