It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
