i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
