Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
