i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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