I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
