so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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