we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
