my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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