she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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