I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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