maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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