You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
