wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
