I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
