i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
