please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
