Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
