I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
