Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
