You surviving the open bar?
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If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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