butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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